Contrast and Redemption

[I wrote this blog post the night before my birthday. Bear with me on the strange timing. I didn't wanna alter the entire thing, so I'm just going with it]

Here on the eve of my twentieth year of life on this Earth, I visited a concentration camp for the first time.

If you've never been to one, I highly recommend that be something you pursue in the future. It's a really tough experience, but I think necessary.

While we were walking through the grounds, I was focused on the contrasts we saw. Upon approaching Mauthausen, you see a prison like structure with chimneys, barbed wire, and lots of stone. If you were to do a 180 turn, you would be staring at the gorgeous Austrian countryside.

It was amazing to me that on the grounds where most of the deaths occurred, there are now multitudes of stunning wildflowers growing freely.

On the right hand side there were scars left in the grass from the 'death camps' where the sick prisoners were sent to die. On the left is the remnants of a soccer field that the SS soldiers used for recreation.

It blew my mind that the soldiers had such perks there at the concentration camp. The soccer field was only the beginning. They also had a swimming pool, indoor heating, massive barracks, and the ability to come and go as they please.

The guide that was giving the tour also had a bit of insight to share about the area during the time that the Holocaust was going on. I always pictured concentration camps being completely out of reach from normal life, secret, hidden. That was not the case, in Mauthausen at least.

The community was very much aware of what was happening. They watched soccer games outside of the walls of the camp, they stood by as the prisoners were paraded off the train and up the hill to the prison. For some of them, it was completely normal to watch prisoners be murdered.

I can't even wrap my mind around that concept. How strange and awful to be so used to seeing life being brutally ripped from innocent human beings that you can stand by and watch without batting an eye.

So, with all of that...

If I had to choose a single word to sum up my train of thought for the day, it would be redemption.

Redemption. That's what absolutely amazes me. Here, where one of the biggest gashes on the history of the world is still clearly visible is also where we find hope.

Hope that our generation can stand above this tragedy. That through so diligently remembering the mistakes and horrors of our ancestors we may be able to prevent them from becoming our stories as well.

Our God is one of redemption and I do believe He is capable of bringing grace and peace out of the ugliest of scenarios. I believe that He can take what happened so many years ago and use it to teach. To teach His children that mass genocide is something that is never acceptable, ever. To teach us that life is precious and should never, ever be taken from anyone. To teach us to use the past as a tool and learn from the mistakes of others.

Today was a day that will stand in my heart and mind for a very long time. It was challenging, heart breaking, horrifying. But it was also life altering, inspiring, and thought-provoking.

Grace can be found amidst the horrors in the world. God can redeem the worst of situations. Lessons can be learned from the tragedy's of the past.

Home Stretch

Today is out last full day in Vienna. We're packing up, cleaning our apartments for a last time, and preparing to head to Italy for the last little part of our journey. (After that, myself and three others will happily trek on down to the Cinque Terre and Spain to soak up some sun for another week before heading back to the states).

I will admit that these past few days have been a struggle. Especially packing up all my belongings. My heart is aching to be flying home...NOW. I know that there is a lot of good things left to see, I know there's a lot of memories to still be made and lessons to be learned, but I'm tired. I'm tired and I'm homesick. [[<<What?! I never get homesick, but I'm feeling it now.]]

I'm praying steadily for peace and the strength to gracefully work my way through this last two weeks. Home will be there when it's time for me to go, I know that. This experience is once in a lifetime. I'll never again be right here, in this moment, with these people, having these conversations. I want to live it now, not long for home.

But I can't get there on my own. (Prayers much appreciated!)

Blog post on our visit to Mauthausen on it's way soon, hopefully.

Facing Fears and Finding Confidence

When I'm at home, I get so caught up in being independent. I know what I'm doing, where I'm going, how to get there and what to expect when I do. I don't have to rely on help to communicate with a teller at the grocery store and I know what I'm ordering off menus in restaurants.

If nothing else, being thrust into a foreign culture has taught me to appreciate the life I was given. I appreciate my language more, I appreciate my culture, I appreciate home.

But, thankfully, I think I'm getting more out of this experience than just that. I can feel myself striving toward the boundaries that I once had and pushing my comfort level to the max. This isn't something that I welcomed at first, but I'm fascinated by the growth it offers.

I've found that my favorite thing about being so uncomfortable is how it causes me to cling to God. I'm here away from everything that makes me feel comfortable. I'm away from most of the people I love, from my home, most of my belongings. The only thing that is absolutely familiar and comforting is God, and I find myself turning to Him time and time again.

I didn't realize going into this experience how spiritual it would be for me. I heard stories about the places I would visit, I saw pictures of the beautiful mountains, I read books about the dangers I would encounter. I never once pondered on my relationship with God and how it would mold my time abroad.

This past weekend, for example, was a huge challenge for me. For whatever reason, free-travel absolutely terrifies me. Maybe because we no longer have the security of a group of 20 people. We don't have pre-planned trains and tried-and-true places to sleep. We are completely on our own figuring all of that out.

That being said, we were in Prague for a couple of days, and it required us getting up at 3 in the morning to head to the train station (across town, via our feet) to catch the train that would take us back to Vienna.

I woke up feeling absolutely sick. I could hear people still partying it up from the night before, and I wanted nothing to do with the trek across town.

I prayed, hard, that God would just let us be invisible. (It sounds a little silly in reflection, but at the time it was what I needed). I prayed that He would cover us with His protection and carry us safely to the train station without any messy encounters with the locals.

One person acknowledged us. The entire walk across town, past multiple clubs that were still flashing their disco balls, past handfuls of people nursing their last drinks, past a few food stands waiting for last minute customers and only one person even acted like we existed.

It's moments like these that I'm encountering on a daily basis here, and it's absolutely beautiful. It's scary, it's uncertain, and there are times when I'm relatively positive my nerves can't take any more.

But, I look back to the beginning of the summer and I see growth. I see myself striving towards God. I see Him leading me through this web of challenges and confusion. I see Him showing His face in the smiles of those around me, the kind words when I don't deserve them, the friendships sprouting out of thin air, and the beautiful souls that are our sponsors.

So, after that bombardment of randomness, I'll share a verse that one of the aforementioned beautiful sponsors shared at our devo tonight. It really hit home, was a huge encouragement, and definitely offers peace to get me through these last three weeks.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, 

when my enemies and my foes attack me,

my heart will not fear; 

though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. 

.....

I am still confident of this: 

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" 

Psalm 27

God is good and He is moving. He's moving in my heart, He's moving in my life, and He's moving in this foreign town we're calling home for the time being. 

19 days until our feet touch American soil once again, and my heart is torn. Going home is going to be about as bitter sweet as it can get. 

But here's to knowing, with full confidence, that my God is bigger than anything this world can throw at me. 

Short and Sweet. Updates from Abroad.

Whoah. I can't even convey how quickly the time is flying here. It feels like we've been here for years and seconds all at the same time.

Last weekend was spent in Switzerland, and I absolutely adored it. Every single second. The scenery was gorgeous, the pace was slow, and the prices were...high? (Seriously, 13 Francs for a McDonald's meal might be a bit much.)

Tomorrow we are heading out of town again. This time it's a night train taking us to Dresden, Germany. From there, we'll hit up Berlin and then head over to Prague.

The trip is more than halfway over and I'm equally dreading and anticipating the end. Home will be beautiful, but a piece of my heart will definitely be staying in Europe.

God has been SO incredibly gracious, and my relationship with Him grows a little bit each day. I'm trying desperately to keep my eyes open to what He has to teach me, and I would need a thousand blog posts to try and explain how He's changed me thus far.

A few blessings from the past week: a lovely friendship I never would have expected, money for school in the fall, safe travel to and from Switzerland, comfort during stressful times, a sunny day in Vienna.

Things that have stolen my heart....
The couple that runs a little food shop down the street (KOC). They are so incredibly beautiful, inside and out. They greet us with smiles (and sometimes cookies) every time we go in there, and the kebab sandwich is the best thing I've ever tasted.

Anyways. It's late. I'm tired. Hopefully more blogging to come soon :) Love and miss you all.

Blessings in Song

Yesterday was a lovely day here in Vienna. We woke up to the sun shining in through the window and set off early for a worship service with a local congregation here in town. All of us were excited because we haven't gotten to attend church thus far on our trip, but what we experienced exceeded all expectations.

I will see some truly lovely places, meet some incredible people, visit all of the touristy stops along the way, and have a truckload of awesome memories to bring back. But, I already know, nothing will quite measure up to worshipping with the locals (and missionaries) here yesterday.

One of the most obvious, and immediate, differences we noticed was the pace. Everyone kind of wandered in over the span of a half hour, and we spent the first part of the morning sharing coffee and cakes. We were all perfectly content to disregard the pressure of time.

Everyone was incredibly welcoming, and we were instantly comfortable in their presence.

What stunned me most was the when we started to sing. Being the gracious hosts they were, they conducted all parts of the service in both English and German. It took longer and required a little more work, but they seemed more than happy to do it.

We sang the songs first in German and then in English. All of our voices blending together in praise is still echoing in my ears. I don't think I've ever heard a more beautiful sound. I also got a crash course in pronouncing German phrases.

All I kept thinking while we were singing was how awesome God truly is. Here we are, halfway around the world, in a different culture that speaks a different language, and He is no less present than He is at home.

He truly is the God of the universe. He sees no difference between us and the germans, the french, the austrians. He doesn't care if we're white or black or purple. He pays no mind to the language we speak or the sound of our voice. He loves every single one of us exactly the same.

It's so neat to have an immediate connection to people so different from yourself just because we share the same maker.

I don't know that I've ever had a more touching worship experience, and I can only pray that I get to experience something like that again at some point in my life.

I pray that I can hold on to the passion I feel for the Lord, and that the fire in my soul never dies out. I pray that God blesses that congregation and the missionaries here in Vienna. I pray that through the lives they are leading, they can shine God's light to those in Vienna that don't know Him.

I can't imagine anything better than spreading my love for God all around the world. I don't know that it's going to be through travel (I've come to appreciate home a little more being so far away from it) but I do know that God will find a way.

He brought us safely around the world for the experience of a lifetime, and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for us. During this trip and for the rest of my life.

By the Grace

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had since we've been abroad. Scratch that, it was the hardest day thus far. In preparation for this trip, I thought about a lot of things. I thought about the language barrier (in relation to having conversations with people), I thought about the fact that we might not get to shower often, I thought about how the Europeans would perceive us.

I never thought about how hard it would be to not know what any sign in the entire city said. I never thought about what it would feel like to not be able to communicate with the locals very well. I never thought about what it would be like to not know what the etiquette was for eating at a restaurant.

I think all of these things really overwhelmed me yesterday, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I'll admit that I was close to tears multiple times, and I cried when I was talking to my best friend. I couldn't figure out how to break out of the sadness and anxiety I was feeling. Then I sat down and just prayed, later we had a devo, and we worshipped together. And then it all became clear again.

It doesn't matter where I am. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, or who I am with. God is always with me. He is always good. He is always faithful. He isn't the God of just my life, my present, my right now. He is the God of all time, and His fingerprints are all over the place.

Getting out of my comfort zone and pushing myself to the limits is very difficult, its challenging, and some moments I want nothing more than to go back home.

But I know that this is good, and I know that God is teaching me every second that I'm here. I know that He has a purpose in our presence here and that He is using us in ways we can't even begin to understand.

This trip is going to shape my life in ways I didn't expect, in ways that have yet to reveal themselves.

But one thing that remains clear is that my God is good, and He loves. He loves each of these locals that are getting frustrated with our broken German, He loves every single one of the British people who have asked us to 'go back to your country', He loves each one of us that are on this trip.

Bringing my focus back to God is always a relief, and today I'm feeling a thousand times better. I'm actually excited to get out and explore Vienna a little more, I'm starting to understand the layout of the city and how to get around, and I've been given a new store of patience for struggling through the German language.

God is good, and He's definitely here with us in Vienna.